Don't Tell The Bride

It had to happen!

Someone came up with a plan to thwart the Bridezillas of this world.

Leave it to the Brits to attempt a masculine mitigation to the matrimonial mayhem.

My bride of twenty-three years and I recently watched the British Broadcasting Corporation's (BBC) second season of Don't Tell The Bride. This is a series where the groom must choose every detail of his wedding, from venue to cake to, in some cases, the wedding dress. The man is no longer a passive, almost rubber-stamp role; now he becomes the active, aggressive planner of THEIR day.

It's at this point, many of my female readers' blood may start to run cold. The very idea of letting a MAN, even one you love, take the reigns of YOUR special day is ANATHEMA!

After all, this is the day your mother has been planning for you since you were born. BOTH of you have very definite ideas how you want/wanted your wedding to be.

HOW DARE any male be allowed to interfere!

I may be stretching it a bit…but not far. Our culture has pushed the feminine ideal of weddings to icon status while doing little to address the post-ceremony reality which reduces the princess to a normal person. The dress is packed away. Guests go home. The new spouse has morning breath and irritating habits.

After watching a couple of these Don't Tell The Bride episodes, I noticed some interesting trends. First, with the stress of planning and keeping the wedding within a budget transferred to the shoulders of the man, they seemed to handle with the pressure better, though they did tended to be more last minute in their planning. The grooms tended to arrived at their big day without the wrangled nerves and fractured relationships a bride-planner left in her wake.
Secondly, freed the details about the day, the bride could focus on her dress, preparing herself, her bridesmaids, and getting ready. There was a sense of intense excitement about how her groom was picking her up, the way he was going to be dressed, where her wedding would take place, what it would look like, where the reception was scheduled, where the honeymoon was planned, etc.

Of the show's we watched, there wasn't a single bride who expressed disappointment in her man. What trust! What confidence! What love!

Americans look at a show like this and say, "It'll never work here!" Ours, you see, is a culture of control--a culture of mistrust.

Our women have been raised not to trust men. They must manipulate and control lest the male species take advantage of them. Then women wonder...after they have taken the helm of the relationship...from the ceremony to the check book...why their passive partners aren't more involved in the marital decision making process beyond the TV remote.

Some years ago, I did extensive research into the wedding customs of Jesus day. (There were some parallels with the BBC production.)

• After the engagement, the groom went away to prepare a place and the ceremony for his bride.
• The bride did not know when, and often not where, the wedding was to take place. Her responsibility was to keep herself and her wedding dress pure.
• The bride was to remain ready to be picked up, or "caught away" from her house. She and attendants were taken to a ceremony and reception or feast of the grooms choosing.

While Don't Tell The Bride will probably never resonate with American women, it should strike a cord with my readers who claim to be Christ-followers. It has long been taught in evangelical Christian circles, those who have embraced the forgiveness of their sins through the death of Christ, have a claim to the Heavenly Bridegroom, Jesus.

In the Upper Room, on the night before He was to face the torture and death on the Roman cross, Jesus spoke the last words a engaged man would tell his fiancé as He left the meal with His disciples

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:1-3 (New International Version)

The word Jesus used for troubled is the idea of agitation, or "the inner commotion of parts in friction." That is a perfect description watching the prospective bride from an episode of Bridezillas.

And yet, Jesus' words that night are cautionary for me in 2009 AD. When I allow social and cultural circumstances to impact my spiritual purity, I experience the agitation they brings. I am flirting with "other lovers" just to get by in this life. His absence makes me want to call the shots. I design my own wedding-in-waiting from inferior, cheap earthly designs--forgetting He designed the cosmos, with colors yet unseen by human eyes.

"No one's ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it—What God has arranged for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9 (The Message)

The pressure is off of me to run the relationship I have with my Bridegroom. It is my responsibility to keep it clear from the interference of others who would clutter it with rules and regulations; doubts and discouragement.

Because He hasn't come for me and the others who make up the Bride is not the sign of a lack of love. He's still working on unfinished rooms.

"Verily I say unto you,...Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh." Matthew 25:12-13 (New International Version)

Starring into The Abyss

I was starring into the abyss!

Even though I have a strong heart, it was a sight that would have sent the English cleaning ladies on the BBC's How Clean Is Your House fleeing in terror.

The closet of a seventeen year-old boy. . .

Deposits had been made for some time.

NO withdrawals or corrections in recent recorded history.

I flipped the light switch a second, then a third time. The result was the same. No amount of urging could entreat a greater response from the forty watt bulb. There was only so much it could do in its heroic struggle against the black hole of adolescent procrastination.

This was the second day of "my gift" to my son. Lest you mistake me for a weak-willed parent, I had been prompted by the Holy Spirit to straighten his room and clean out his closet.

This was no task I would have considered on my own. I mean, there are some things well below the pay grade of a 60-year old father. After all, the Battle of the Wills was at stake! No self-respecting parent would surrender to a strong-willed teenager...UNLESS it was an Act of God!

Famous last words!

This came in the midst of identity crises, girlfriend troubles, employment frustrations, financial shortfalls, friend betrayals, spiritual confusion, personal woundings...In other words, during a normal rash of family issues, when my wife and children's life-issues weren't fixed, and they weren't being easy to live with, God reminded me they were His gifts to me!

It's very powerful...especially when you realize you have been treating God's gifts as if they were your life problems.

Well,..I'm a fixer. A tinker. That's the way God wired me.

But in the flesh…my tinkering skills hadn't worked out well with our/their problems. Soulishly and emotionally, we've been like porcupines bumping into each other, trying to dig out of the same hole of frustration.

At the Holy Spirit's prompting the next Monday morning, I was to (WITHOUT telling anyone in the family why I was doing it) straighten my youngest son's room. Here is the place he "lets down his hair"…and everything else about his life! It took about an hour just to pick up the clothes and organize his DVDS & video games, food carcasses, empty glasses, make the bed, etc.

However, the next morning, after I swallowed my pride, steeled myself, opened the closet door, and stated into Vault of Neglect and Repressed Issues, I discovered as much about myself as I would about my teen. Here was the closet into which everything dissappeared when he cleaned his room and didn't want to face the task of organizing his world. Games and toys and letters of faded interest joined the pile. Unsorted clothing and shoes became a growing, evolving eclectic reflection of his active, athletic lifestyle.

And secrets! Things he hid in embaressment from family. Issues from school and home which told volumes about his attitude, his behavior. Secrets, which, in some cases, were a betrayal of our relationship as father and son. I was now privy to them. How was I to handle them?

Even more telling...as I went though the process of sorting, hanging, straightening, righting, and washing...was reminants of creative talents he had lain aside to the distractions of later electronic, adrenalin-addictions and relationships. The art pads, the oils, the small guitar amp, the bottle of valve oil for the trumpet…all giftings forsaken for more immediate, emotional quick-fixes.

It wasn't hard to draw the conclusion my son's room, and his closet in particular, was a true reflection of his inner life. Here was a life, not as he wanted the world to see it, but as it is to those he lives with.

Until recently, my own Vault of Neglect and Repressed Issues has remained just as unprobbed and unsorted as that of my son's physical one. Heart woundings and flawed assumptions about God kept me from trusting Him to puck the thorns from my wounds and release my secret yearnings. The inner stress between who I was and who I wanted the world to see, robbed most days of joy.

Perhaps that's true of everyone. We all have a closet of life's experiences, secrets and dreams. Seldom do we allow another to crack the door for fear the disarray will alarm them. Equally stressful, thoughts of introspection drive us to increased activity lest we meet ourselves in those few moments between when our heads hit the pillow and sleep wraps it's fingers around our minds in fitful slumber.

Yet, we have a Heavenly Father who comes to sort through our clutter, to "hang, straighten, righten, and wash" the pile we have jumbled inside. The clean clothes He will fold and hang. The sox He will pair. The love notes He will collect. Memories He will treasure. Giftings He will not withhold…and secrets are His to protect.

For most of the human race, our concept of God has been Reasoned UP. The very use of the term father, husband, man, or brother is limiting. We assign to Him the human characteristics of humans males we're exposed to, good and bad; IE. harsh, condemning, judgmental, withholdings, critical, giving, loving, tender.

However, God can ONLY be understood by REVELATION Down from heaven.

"I don't think the way you think. The way you work isn't the way I work." Isaiah 55:8 (The Message)

Jesus, Himself, told us that if we wanted to know what the Heavenly Father was like, take a look at HIM.

"You've been with me all this time, Philip, and you still don't understand? To see me is to see the Father." John 14:9 (The Message)

I'm keenly aware not everyone's had positive experiences with fathers who've discovered their teenager's secrets. Some have ripped families apart. Even the revival of buried dreams, giftings or lost loves may have created painful rifts when a child's heart veers from the parents unfulfilled hopes for their offspring.

But I can promise you, when that Heavenly Father comes, there is an UN-earthly tenderness to the way He handles the secrets, the wounds, the stories, the dreams. He sorts the confusion of your closet…not to bring guilt, but to give you a new start. You can breath freer when you don't have anything to hide anymore. It's easier to gaze into the gift of grace than abyss of confusion and guilt.

If there was any doubt, Jesus said:

"The thief (satan) is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of." John 14:9 The Message)

Trying to Listen...

As a Christ-Follower, I've heard the words "Devotions" or "Quiet Time" used for years. They conju up some monastic images of four AM awakenins, where, the devotee mystically melds with the mind of the Divine, receiving revelation of life changing events. They rise to face the day, a face brighter than the sunrise itself. All who encounter them cannot stand before their powerful radiance.

Sorry, I think, I'm recalling a Sunday School poster I saw somewhere, ... years ago, ... about 1956. But such were the "personal time with God" impressions I inheritted from older people growing up in my religious background.

MY reality ... I spend more time talking AT God the Deity than listening to Daddy-God, the Father.

In his book, Walking With God, John Eldredge said, "I assume that an intimate, conversational walk with God is available, and is meant to be normal." To make matters worse he continues, "I'll push that a step further. I assume that if you don't find that kind of relationship with God, your spiritual life will be stunted. And that will handicap the rest of your life." [Walking With God, (pg 7) John Eldredge, ©2008 Thomas Nelson]

So, as a knee-jerk reaction, what do I do?

Get a tape series on prayer?

Attend a conference on how to pray?

Get up an hour earlier, put on a pot of coffee, and determine to pray for the whole hour?

Buy a new book from Charles Swindoll, Max Lucado, or John Eldredge on prayer?

None of these suggestions are bad, but somehow intimacy is being missed by something we,…I…was never taught by spiritual mentors.

... HOW to LISTEN!

In the Old Testament book of I Samuel, a young boy is wakened in the middle of the night by a voice calling his name. Supposing it to be his mentor, Samuel goes to the aged Eli, who,..the second time it happens, realizes it's God rousing his student. When Samuel says, "Speak, God, I'm ready to listen,"…God announces He is getting ready to rock the nation and get their attention.

The problem with listening?

It requires silence...

... And silence is LOUD!

Several years ago, as an Audio and Radio Production Instructor, I required my class to shut their eyes, for a period of 20 to 40 seconds silence, then have them guess how much time had passed. On average...unless they had previous broadcast experience...most would over-guess the silence.

Our society is manic to keep us from having to experiencing silence. Our phones no longer only make phone calls; they surf the net, text and function as MP3 players so we NEVER have to think. If a child ISN'T A.D.D. or A.D.H.D, his peers can train him to be with the right phone or IPOD.

The Christian community is a close second. Christian radio 24 hours a day. (and I am an ex-radio and Christian TV worker) Christian TV Networks. The newest Christian self-help tape series. IPOD download sermons series. All keep us busy thinking…but not LISTENING.

Here's where I'm going to get in hot water from a lot of traditional teachers.

TRADITION teaches: God Speaks only...

1) Through His Word: The Scripture --"Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another—showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God's way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us." (Message Bible)

That's it. Revelation done! All the ears that could hear from the Divine have written it down. Case closed.

2) Through Godly People: They have an impression or feeling how God is moving today.

3) Through Circumstances: This appears or seems to be how God is working. A bit of a guessing game.

Unfortunately, most TRADITIONAL believiers seem to reverse the order...they look to circumstances first to guide them, then spiritual wisdom, finally Scriptural direction. It's as if they fear the Book will be a Divine Kill-Joy to their plans when they open it first.

However, the older I get, the less intimidated I am by silence. The man I find there is someone I am learning to be comfortable with. And I am learning Tradition's TEACHINGS may not always square with Scripture.

If I base my decisions on circumstances and the council of people, I may have missed the wisdom of Scriptures like:

2 Chronicles 15:2
"God will stick with you as long as you stick with him. If you look for him he will let himself be found;" (The Message)
James 4:8 "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." (NKJ)
"Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time." (The Message)

The "drawing near" intimates a movement on my part, rather than His part. He is the constant…I am the one in flux. He is the Rock; I'm the one driven by the life's of cacophony sound. He is the Lighthouse; I am the ship tossed by the tyranny of the urgent. And yet, there are times, I must stop. "…He'll be there in no time."

1 Kings 19:11-12 tells about the climactic end of an emotional draining experience the prophet Elijah had after finding himself on the run, his face on Wanted Posters, a price on his head. After letting him have a first-class pity party, Daddy-God gave Elijah (and all of us) an insight on how to listen for His voice in the midst of turmoil. "...but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice."

Those are the times for short prayers.

No lists.

No requests.

Just silence.

As your spirit waits… … for that still … small … Voice.

The Voice that fills your spirit with peace.

With several words.

Or one word.

Spoken just for you.

Of direction … correction … confirmation … information … revelation.

No secret formula.

Just practice.

Hitting Another Speed Bump ...

Texans love to drive ... and they love to drive fast.

The roads are wide ... and straight ... and it's a fer piece between towns. If you don't drive fast out here, the calendar is libel to change between when you leave for work and the time you arrive.

And nothing is more annoying to your forward progress than those annoying speed bumps highway engineers lay down to snap your attention away from cell phones & talk radio to road hazards & pedestrian safety. They rip the steering wheel from your grasp or can give you a concussion if you fail to brake properly before bouncing over the berm-sized speed bumps senior citizens diabolically have constructed in residential areas.

Life tends to throw mammoth speed bumps at us as well; Some we see the sign warning us of their approach. We can prepare our self, ... slow down ... swerve to the opposite lane ... adjust to the obstacle or hazard.

Others come at the bend of a curve, loom menacing over us, and bring life to a standstill.

Having been a Christ-follower for more than fifty years, I've struggled with a tension between the belief I should be exempt from some of life's speed bumps and the reality I'm not exempt as a member of the human race. Somehow, God is not holding up His end of the partnership.

As Hamlet said in his soliloquy, "ay, there's the rub..."

Entering adulthood, I chose a "Christian" service profession. I thought being in God's service should please Him and at least cut me some slack, a pass as it were, on some of the tougher things of life…like pain, money troubles, divorce.

God was the assistant to my life,..as it were, a means to an end, rather than the End itself. God never intended our relationship to be a partnership. He is doesn't want to be my Co-Pilot. His expectations are higher. But He will not force the wheel from my grasp.

That's why some of the biggest speed bumps...

It takes a speed bump to bring out what's inside of me,... what needs to be arranged.

I was intrigued recently by what one Christian-follower said he felt God was asking him to give up in his life during such a speed bump experience. (*) It wasn't a specific Scriptural lifestyle condemnation of it, but, as this writer put it, "exhausted and frazzled from the day, I'd turn to it as a sort of refuge and relief, a way to find peace."

"I began to see it as reaching for joy--joy in a bottle, joy within my grasp."

This introspection came during one of life's speed bumps. His active, outdoor summer with his kids was came to a screeching halt after a horse riding accident left him with both arms in casts for almost three months. Agenda Interruptus is often the tool God's Spirit will use to gain the ear of busy, driven Christ-followers.

It took a lot of nerve for this leader to be that honest. Reaching for happiness is something most Church folk would say is what the "world folk" are doing. How easy to pluck a Scripture verse like

Psalm 4:6 "Why is everyone hungry for more? "More, more," they say. "More, more."

I have God's more-than-enough, More joy in one ordinary day."

And yet, when the pressure is on, when life doesn’t work, children stagger, health fails, pain flares, Heaven is silent,…where do these Church goers reach for joy?

For some, it was the comfort of food. Others anesthetize with alcohol or drugs. Still others choose the womb of sleep. I've watched many who try maintianing the adrenalin high of caffeine and stimulants. This was a hard question for me. It was easier to point fingers at those around me.

My Agenda Interruptus? A pituitary tumor the size of a golf ball.

So, during this time of recovery, my life-pace has slowed. Neurosurgery can result in thoughts of second chances and priority re-alignment.

My reach for joy? The fantasy world of fiction mystery & suspense books and television.

My justification? I live in a world that isn't often fair, fun or just. It's good to watch a movie where justice wins in an hour. A book where I can figure out what is going on and have all the answers explained…all the better if the author is a Christian.

But…..

As the chapter is done…

When the cover is closed…

Or the credits roll…

And the colors crackle into those single dots…there is the emptiness.

I'm reminded once again T-V is an acronym for Time Vampire!

As a Christ-follower, my soul and spirit is longing for something deeper, more fulfilling. The "Disciple whom Jesus loved" put it this way, "We saw it, we heard it, and now we're telling you so you can experience it along with us, this experience of communion with the Father and his Son, Jesus Christ. Our motive for writing is simply this: We want you to enjoy this, too. Your joy will double our joy!" 1 John 1:34 (The Message)

For me, a crucial part of the joy I seek is the relief that peace brings. The writer said he'd reach for his joy "...as a sort of refuge and relief, a way to find peace."

Unless one lives alone, it is sometimes difficult to find peace in the normal household. Each person within the walls of a home has ever-evolving needs for affirmation and love. The deeper the need for love, the greater the grasping for joys…the more intense the feelings of isolation if genuine peace and joy go unfulfilled.

Jesus Christ said "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid," in John 14:27. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world gives, give I unto you." (King James Version)

However, I am learning His peace isn't a good competitor with what I often consider high-value agendas. Peace is too gentle to partner with Religion or Pride or Self-Righteousness. It withers in the face of busyness, worry, and entertainment.

The good news…the REALLY good news is..."Are you tired? Worn out?

Burned out on religion?" Jesus says, "Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

That's worth reaching for.

(*) The above quotes taken from Jon Eldgredge's Walking With God, Thomas Nelson Publisher, 2008

Every Parent's Nightmare

Bobbie was young and beautiful and full of promise. From all appearances, she was the last child who would bring her parents grief.

She was active in her church in O'Donnell, Texas.

At 14, she could claim a long list of social and scholastic achievements: Bobbie was involved in Cheerleading, Band, UIL (University Interscholastic League) Science Fair, One Act Play, and Girl Scouts.

The future seem to be promising and smooth sailing…if she could just navigate the pitfalls of her adolescent years.

But Bobbie had a secret. Perhaps it was the first time,…or the last of many times…but at fourteen she was getting and consuming alcohol from some adult.

Teen drinking is not only illegal, but for Bobbie it would be lethal and she would be responsible for the death of a fourteen-year-old friend, as well as seriously injuring seven others all under the age of 18.

In what can best be described as every parent's worst nightmare,… one boy of unknown age,.. one girl of 13,.. two girls age 14,.. one boy age 15,.. one girl 15,.. one boy 17,.. and one boy age 18 where joy riding in the 2008 Toyota pickup 14 year-old Bobbie was driving Saturday night at 2:30 in the morning. According to Department of Public Safety officials (Texas State Troopers), Bobbie had been drinking prior to driving at a high rate of speed on a road north of O'Donnell. The vehicle hit a ditch, went into a slide, then rolled three and a quarter times, coming to a rest on the passenger side door. Most of the teenagers were riding in the bed of the pickup, none wearing seatbelts or restrains.

As a Texas parent, it would be easy to finger point and blame;

Why were you allowing your 13, 14, 15 year-old age kids out at that time of night?

Why was an under-aged driver at the wheel of that vehicle?

Who gave those minors the alcohol?

Was there no parent who was curious enough to know what their children were doing that late at night?

At the same time, I am the parent of a 17 year old who will do ANYTHING to declare his independence. The "Truth" at our house is often a cat and mouse game between parent and child with God providing evidence and conviction when his mother and I can't be there.

Except for God's grace, my son could have been in the back of that pickup. Some of his friends have been involved in similar stupidity!

I never met Bobbie or any of her companions from that accident. I doubt her family will ever read these words. But as a life spectator and fellow parent, I share their anguish having lost a brother years ago in a roll-over accident before he could graduate high school.

I encourage parents...you are first a parent to your child,...secondly a friend. Don't let their begging wear you down. Want to know where they are going, who they are with, and to call when they change places and plans. That's why you provide them with that cell phone…..NOT FOR TEXT THEIR FRIENDS.

This incident strengthens my resolve to be involved. I will not be put off by the "invasion of my privacy" or "none of your business" argument. Love and parenting makes it my business.

Second, providing alcohol to minors is no joke,.. it is NOT a rite-of-passage we should wink at just because we may have done it. Alcohol and gasoline doesn't mix… especially when combined with raging hormones.

Mothers Against Drunk Driving are an excellent organization, but they haven't done enough. Several years ago, there was legal precedent set in England where pub owners and severs were libel for accidents and crimes their clients committed when intoxicated. If only that kind of legislation were passed in this country. But alas, how many local, state and federal legislators have the backbone for such a stance against the alcohol industry lobby. Most seem afraid their favorite bartenders and saloon owners would go to prison on their behest.

If the person who provided Bobbi with the alcohol was charged and convicted with involuntary manslaughter for this horrific tragedy, it might not bring back Bobby or the 14-year-old girl who died with her, but it would send a powerful message to those cavalier for sharing or selling alcohol to minors.

For the families of those eight youth involved accident north of O'Donnell, Texas, the "whys" and "what did we wrong" are too late.

Two families are mourning. Two crosses will be erected in the roadside ditch to remind others of this tragic accident.

Six young people will carry physical and mental scars of how a night of "just hangin' out" went wrong.

Excuse Me...And Your Tragedy Is?

A friend recently asked me what my Tragedy was!

Now, that's not the sort of conversation which usually comes up while waiting in line at Starbucks or chatting with someone next to you on the Tread Master at the gym.

It's the sort of rhetorical question ministers ask in a sermon were you can hide in the silence of the service.

Some might think it an irritatingly, morbid question, since we spend the lion's share of our time staying too busy to reflect on the painful areas of our lives. Reality avoidance is the name of the game we play with a vengeance.

No, my friend is not an "ambulance-chasing-councilor." And she was sincere when she spoke about walking in public places, searching the faces of strangers, wondering what their tragedies. As one who works in a service industry, I encounter people with the full range of emotions. Most people are dealing with their life situations well...but there are the few who can't wait to share the lava of their disappointments with whoever crosses their path.

TRAGEDY: Drama in which the protagonist is overcome by some superior force or circumstance.

As 21st Century Americans were raised to believe that “Life is Fair.” It is not suffering that troubles us,…it is Undeserved suffering. Growing up, if we disobeyed our parents, we were punished for it. When that discipline was connected with wrongdoing, there was a sense of justice connected to it.

But when we get older, and we see there is no correlation between the amount of wrong we commit and the amount of pain we experience, it can be devastating. An even larger surprise can come when we do RIGHT and we get kicked down for doing it. Thus, the full impact, the large capital TRAGEDY!

For the Protagonist (Hero), anger is only the first of many emotions, depending on the duration of the experience. For some the Tragedy proves lethal, life threatening, overwhelming, hope-less. As one who has swam in these dark pools of despair on more than one occasion, the last thing I needed was the know-it-all, pious answer-people who visited.

We don’t like to see people suffer. As Christ-followers, we like to have answers to the Why behind suffering. The truth is, sometimes we don’t know Why. And it is no reflection on our faith or on God if we can’t speak for Him.

In the Book of Job, his friends tried to speak for God, presuming to know what Job’s sin was or that he was suffering for his pride and hidden sin. Job's comforters' assuptions and advice was hollow, superior, and spiritually presumptive. At the end of Job’s trial, God appeared to those friends and said….

Job 43:(7) “After God had finished addressing Job, he turned to Eliphaz … and said, “I’ve had it with you and your two friends. I’m fed up! You haven’t been honest either with me or about me - not the way my friend Job has. (8) So here’s what you must do. … go to my friend
Job. Sacrifice a burnt offering on your own behalf. … My friend Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer. He will ask me not to treat you as you deserve for talking nonsense about me, and for not being honest with me, as he has.” (9) They did it. Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar did what God commanded. And God accepted Job’s prayer. (10) After Job had interceded for his friends, God restored his fortune - and then doubled it!

Those are sober, cautionary words for me to remember any time I speak to a friend going through the crucible of pain. I am more likely to weep with them than quote volumes of Scripture exposing my ability for Biblical literacy, but lack of personal sensitivity. I’m also learning, by personal experience, that there are times God withholds Himself from the believer, not in punishment, but in an act of love for the child who would seek Him and the treasure of His presence.

In this world of microwave, instant, credit card gratification, we have forgotten God’s delight is still in those who SEEK him.

Psalms 119:2 "Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that SEEK him with the whole heart."

Proverb 8:17 "I love them that love me; and those that SEEK me early shall find me."

Jeremiah 29:13 "And ye shall SEEK me, and find me,
when ye shall search for me with all your heart."

The word “seek” means “search or frequent a place, tread a place.” There is a diligence implied. Something more than an infrequent, quick prayer fire to heaven at meal time.

If following Christ had been so easy, He would have never told the rich, young ruler to forsake all and follow him. We have forgotten conveniently "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24)

Now, I'm not advocating those tragedy-ridden people are the only seeker-serious followers of God. Some sufferers have chosen to curse God for their situations. It is a choice on how you will respond to your circumstances. And the resulting bitterness will only extend the effects of suffering and its impact on those around you.

If you've been spared great trial to this date, it's God's wisdom. The book of James tells us the Father will never allow trial more than our maturity or ability to bear it. The reality is for millions of Christ-followers, taking up the cross daily means painfully more than simply wearing a silver cross around their neck or putting the fish sticker on the back of their car and getting hassled about it.

Celebrate - Remember - Fight Back

I'm not a fan of live sports events, but this was one I was not going to miss.

Being "sedentarily-challenged", I was determined to do at least one lap. There were hundreds of us in purple Survivor shirts amassed on the track at Lowery Field in Lubbock, Texas, joined by lime-green clad Caregiver and White shirt family and friend supporters for the opening Victory Lap.

Honestly, I was not prepared for feelings of overwhelming support from a community who lined the infield and applauded as we circled the track in celebration of our personal struggle over the second-leading cause of death in the United states. As we walked, clutching the hands of our care-givers, we were reminded of how merciful God had been to us. At the feet of those who clapped for us, were Luminaries that would be lighted that evening, each with name of someone who had succumbed to cancer.

I had heard about the Relay for Life for many years and knew it was the American Cancer Society's main fundraising event designed to unite those affected by cancer, while raising money for the organization's research, education and advocacy efforts. Frankly, I wasn't interested. Didn't have time for it.

But life and reality have a way of intervening. My wife's father is a seven year survivor of bladder cancer and I am going on my second year being cancer free from prostate cancer. However, God in his wisdom, chose to take my mother-in-law last November with stomach cancer. This was our year to Celebrate . . . And Remember.

Yet, I am keenly aware that there are those who read this who have lost loved ones or are struggling with this ravenous malady. Thus, the Fight Back. That is why we walked the laps . . . For you . . . Even though we may never meet. We will keep walking for you.

Our little from Lubbock, joins the other Relays from around the nation, to help the American Cancer Society fund more than $120 million in cancer research.

I came away from my first Relay with three indelible impressions. As I looked at the sea of purple Survivors around me, I was struck with how this dreaded disease is no respecter of age, sex, or race. The number of children and youth were in no less proportion to middle age and the mature.

Secondly, the age span of lime-green clad Caregivers was no less divers than that of the survivors. There were children and husbands surrounding their purple-shirt mothers. Elderly couples surrounded their purple-shirt young adults.

Thirdly, the purpose found in a second chance at life. The purple shirt made it easy to strike up a conversation. Each survivor seemed to have their own story of hope. Some had started up new occupations or tried challenges a previous "safe" pre-cancer life would have never considered.

My favorite conversation was with the Toy Doctor, a nine-year survivor over prostate cancer. Previously an engineer, he is now confined to a wheel chair. However, this Doc brings a great deal of joy into the lives of children in Lubbock hospitals. Using his skill with a Dremel and blocks of wood, he takes a picture of someone's pet and turns it into a 3-D toy.

To me he epitomized what the Relay for Life was all about. . .

Celebrate

Remember

FIGHT BACK!